09/10/2004 to 09/02/2016
I haven't written a blog in over two and a half years, for one reason. Which I won't go into here.
However, I am now going to honour my companion Cleopatra Deeney O'Connell O'Mahony.
Cleo went to sleep two days ago and it is heartbreaking. I cry as I type.
I bought Cleo in December 2004 in Blarney, Co. Cork and I had a choice of two pups. Her sibling was quite cute, but somehow Cleo looked like the runt of the litter, so I choose her. Her professional name was Lady of Schull, but we never brought her to shows, so that name was defunct. Cleo was a Christmas present for my youngest daughter. Megan named her Cleopatra and she was a queen. I mean this in the best sense, although, she could be very demanding insisting you rub her belly, even when I was driving.
The above photo was taken in 2009, at a small beach on the way to Goleen. The name of the beach escapes me now. What is incredible about this photo is that Cleo hated water, she never liked being showered. But that day she swam and it was the only time I ever saw her swim. However, her favourite place to walk was on Barleycove beach and we did that as often as was possible.
The reason for Cleo's long surname is this, my surname is Deeney, Megan is Deeney O'Connell and my partner at the time of getting Cleo was O'Mahony. Hence all her surnames. I used to work away from home every second week and my partner at the time would bring her to his parents home to be looked after for the day, until he finished work and would go and collect her and bring her home. He called it Cleo's crèche. My partners parents loved Cleo and my daughters, as though they were their only grandchildren and they loved me, more than my first parents-in-law. I shall never forget them as long as I live. Their love for me and mine shines so brightly to this day, even though both of them have gone to heaven. I so hope Jerry and Ann are still Cleo's guardians in heaven. I so hope that whenever my time comes to pass into Eternity that I am lucky enough to be with them, Cleo, Scienne and all those Human Beings I loved in this world and with those who loved me. (Scienne was an other Westie I had for 8 months, fado fado whom I also loved deeply.
Dogs are so loving and are so unconditional in their love for us Humans, You know, Dogs teach us Gods UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. It is why I grieve so much for them when they pass/die. God I so hope their is a doggie heaven, where I am reunited with all the dogs I've had in my life.
While Cleo was Megan's dog, I was her master. I don't know why, other than I cared for and fed her and brought her to the vet and she travelled all the roads of Ireland with me, Cleo was my shadow,
Fuck it, there is such a huge void in my heart and in my home since Tuesday, it's like losing one of my children. And I never want to lose any of my living children, I'd rather go before them. Such is a Mother's unconditional love for her children. I am so grateful for the children I've had, I include Ben here, he died in-vitro fado fado.
Yet, as a women, a mother, life and death, are intrinsic. When a Mum gives birth, she knows intrinsically how close death is to life. I cannot explain it, it just is. Your children grow up and leave home, as nature intended, it is how it needs to be. Your dog though, only leaves you in death.
Cleo I love you, I always will. I genuinely hope we will meet again in Heaven. I hope I get the privilege to get and to stay in heaven with you and with my deceased loved ones, Especially with the dogs I've lost in my life. Cle, you were the longest dog I had in my life, I am not passed you. Neither are Taylor or Lily, both of your buddies are lost without you, as I am. We are floundering in a chasm of loss for you.
Cle, Thank you for your companionship since 2007 when I broke up with O'Mahony, for travelling the road between here and work every second week. For being my shadow, who accompanied me since 2007 to the 9th February 2016. My heart aches and my soul echoes your loss in my world.
I know Taylor and Lily love me, and I love them.
You Cleo were such a huge presence in my life and I didn't realise how big, until you passed. There is a huge void in my heart and in our home since you departed.......... How will I get past it?!?
Cle thank you so much for your love, your loyalty to me and for the joy you brought to my life. Thank you.
In early January, I needed to cry, for a lot of shite that had been in my life for two and a half years, trust me this shite was worse than my marriage break-up and subsequent divorce. I do not cry easily. I never have, not since my childhood. On a particular Sunday morning I turned off my phone and lit the fire. I watched copious movies, some sad, some happy, some romantic comedies and some Christmas movies and at 4 PM the following day, I started to sob, when I did, Cleo howled and then sat on my right knee. Taylor then sat on my left knee. I continued to sob and Cleo howled. It was as though she knew my pain needed to be witnessed. She did what no other Human Being ever did for me, she was present to my pain and witnessed it.
It was THE MOST PRECIOUS GIFT I've EVER been given. Cleo did this for me. It was uncanny. Surreal and most beautiful. I shall never forget her last profound gift to me.
I am truly grateful I was here while she was ill and did a four night vigil for her, prior to her death.
My heartfelt gratitude to Tim, her vet, his kindness and love to her was immense. To Tina, who organised her grave to be dug and who stayed with me until her burial. To Jack for digging her grave. To my daughters and Nic whose grief and compassion mean the world to me. To Mary who never got cross for the years and years of opening and closing the French doors to allow Cle in and out of the kitchen. Mary never ever got annoyed about doing her chores for Cle. My heartfelt gratitude for the love, kindness and compassion you showed to Cleo in her life and death. And to my friends who took care of her in her life, when I couldn't bring her with me. My heartfelt gratitude.
Love is an energy that never dies. Not even for animals.
Cleo, go raibh mile maith agat Alana agus slan abhaile. I pray we meet again.
Thank you Cleo for all the love, joy and loyalty you brought to my life.
I love you and I thank you for the 11 years and two months you were in life.