Not only have I wanted to write about how I experience God in my life and seriously, I have times where I feel totally disconnected to any God in my life. I say this to give balance to how I am some days in this life. Having belief or faith is not an easy station, some days! In those moments, I come back to the beauty of our world, to the love I have for my children, family, friends & even my dog Cleo. It is the beauty I see, that helps me to know, there is a God. Who else created such beauty?
This is not what I need to chat about today though. The other subject, I have wanted to express, is what has brought happiness and fun to me in my life. To be honest, I have not found this subject easy. In that, when I think of a subject to write about, I tend to allow it to develop subconsciously for a time and then when I feel moved by the subject, I’ll write about it. Having said that, I truly do not fully know what will come out of me! Believe me when I say this, sometimes, I am surprised by what I write. Writing has always been my safety net. I have diaries galore & note pads and pieces of paper where I have so needed to get out what & how I feel on the inside, OUT! It has always been my safety valve. Not that I use it to its full potential, I have not. If I did, I would finish my autobiography, my novel and my children’s stories! Maybe soon………!
What brings me happiness? Playing when I was a child brought me happiness. Although, in my truth, I was often too busy doing chores and being responsible in my family of origin to play as often as I'd have liked too. Play to children is vital. I can say this now as an adult, because as a child I didn’t know how vital it was to the well-being of the soul. You see way back then, because I was affirmed, for doing house-hold chores, I preferred to do chores, rather than play. I was your ultimate, in my experience, responsible child. But I did love to play the farmer has a wife, skipping, cycling, swimming, ballet, dance and tying a rope around an An Post pole and swing around it for hours, wrapping my body around the pole, no matter how raw my butt got! After a while, I got sense and used a cushion to spare my butt from being rope burnt. Tis a sore thing! You know my children have never had this pleasure!
In my teens, happiness for me was being outrageously safe! A paradox! Yes. I have always needed to be safe, given my life, you can see why. I’ll explain, I grew up in a very suppressed Ireland, where everything was a sin and no one told the truth. I am not blaming here, this was my reality. I used to always hate lies, until I discovered that I lie when I do not feel safe, so it is why other’s lie too. Then I understood when a body lies, it is because they do not feel safe to be truthful. It makes sense to me, because it is why I lied when I was a child. However, in my teens, I rebelled against lies. I would challenge adults around me, whether they were my parents or my teachers with oodles of questions in order to understand life. Seemingly, I did it when I was a child too, so my favourite aunt tells me, I always asked questions. I did stop asking questions in primary & secondary school as it was beaten out of me, as it was at home too. Now to explain why I was outrageous in my teens & in truth, I can still be verbally outrageous, in that I do say it as it is for me! (People find me very challenging because of this, but you know what, I like this part of me!) I couldn’t accept a lot of the tripe I was taught when I was young. My need was always to know WHY? So in my late teens being outrageously safe meant asking those awkward questions that every parent hopes their off spring don’t ask when visitors or the parish priest called………….Well I asked those questions! Much to my parents consternation and to this day, I am still the same! I am more honouring now, (I hope), I’ve learned to be. So asking questions was and still is very important to me & yes it still brings me happiness, even though I can and still do put my size 5’s in it! Over years I learnt not to beat myself up internally at those times I got it skewed ways! I love having the courage to ask questions, that I do not know the answer to, even if it means I may look foolish. Having said that, I do not believe any question is ever foolish!
The only difference between adults and children, are that adults have more life experience and often children are wiser than adults, because children see through the BS!
In my late teens I didn’t date that often, I was too terrified to. If a guy I was dating, “dropped the hand” in the Ark, (A dance hall in Cork), I broke it off with him! Years later, I actually said this to someone and he replied, “Gee Trich, there must be a lot of guys going around Cork with only one hand”! I cracked up laughing at the visual this made in my head. So humour is very important to me and it does bring me much happiness. Comedians I love are Brendan Carroll, because he is outrageous, also Tommy Tiernan and most of all, AbiePB, his humour is so intelligent & funny and I get it, that it brings enormous joy to my life. I can definitely say that I am a major fan of Abie’s and I tend not to be a fan type! Now to clarify here, these comedians were introduced to my life much later in my life! My point here is that in my late teens, I realised that humour and learning to laugh with oneself is a vital part of survival. For me! During my late teens I was a pain in the ass conservative! (Even to myself, believe it or not!)
Falling in love was such a wonderful experience, as was the first eighteen months of my marriage. Month nineteen, the shit hit the fan……… but that’s another story! Being in love is a gift, later on I learnt that being in love with self is far more important! Sadly, I don’t think, I have ever gotten to that place yet. However, I do love & like who I am and in my bones, I know inherently that I am the best person I know and I really love that part of me. This beings happiness to my life too.
Happiness in adulthood came in the guise of my children and dogs. Both are so much fun as long as I allow them to be. I have learnt my best life lessons from both of them. Your children love you no matter what, they teach you to remember unconditional love, as it is how every child loves. I will truly always be grateful to my beautiful Darling Daughters for reminding me what unconditional love is. What is so remarkable & special about children, is this, for me, they love you no matter what. Allow that to seep into your soul. No matter what it is you do, your child loves you, unconditionally. Are children not a reflection of God’s love for us?
I could write a whole other story about the dogs in my life, for now though, I will concentrate on their loyalty to their master. As a very young child, we had a dog called Skippy, whom I adored. She was killed crossing the road one day & she is buried in the back garden of a house that we lived in, in Togher, Cork. I didn’t realise it then, but for many many years after her death, I could not love any other dog. I was broken hearted when she died. Fast forward twenty six years and I was given a Christmas present of Scienne, a white Westie. I so loved this dog, just like I had so loved Skippy. One morning when she was 8 months old, I let her out to pee before I went to work and when I brought her in again, I looked at her very sad face, and I asked her why she looked so sad? Obviously she didn’t answer! So I went off to work. That evening on my way home, I received a phone call, on one of the first big mobile phones that she had been involved in an accident and to go straight to the vets. She was dead when I arrived. I can honestly say, I cried for a year afterwards. I so missed her love and the fun I had with her. I often wonder why I felt she looked at me in such a sad way that morning.Then I inherited Cleo, another white Westie and she so loves me and is incredibly loyal to me. Even if I get cross with her, she still wags her tail and licks me. (Even though I do not like being licked by a dog!) Plus she is a super companion to me. She too brings much happiness and fun to my life.
My two girls, while very different, I love unconditionally. My happiest memories in my life are with them. In reality, I had my best and worst of times in their presence. But children are so much fun and because I didn’t have as much fun as a child, I did find having fun with them, hard at times. The joy they brought to my life is a gift I will always hold in my heart. In my truth, my children taught me and reminded me what unconditional love is. This is the greatest gift I have received in my life. It is a major source of my happiness too. Children forgive their parents EVERYTHING. Therefore, it is so important to know this and not ever abuse this gift. For it is the greatest gift a parent receives, even when times are tough going. Hold this in your heart, because when they fly the nest, these memories are the stuff that keep you going when your days may get dark.
I have learnt that I need fun in my life as it brings happiness to my being. The last two men I dated were so much fun, that I only recently learnt that fun, is what I need to create for me in my life. What else brings fun to my world? Real relationships that are both honest and mature. And of course my own relationship with me! Humour too. And to dance like there is no one watching and trust me, I am good at that!
Intimacy with myself and another is another source of happiness to me. However, I will refrain from being outrageous on that topic! ;) These are the things that bring me happiness and fun. Today was a good day to remind myself about what brings happiness to my life.
Now ask yourself, what brings you happiness and fun?