It was a whirlwind
experience, to say the least. I am exhausted after it. I hadn’t realised that
meeting 10 men in that period of time would be as exhausting as it was. Trust
me, it is! The first man I met, had contacted me through my blog, “The Wedding
Date” and I admired his bravery.
We met in
Carlow, this is not where he is from and we spent six hours together chatting,
he was such a lovely guy………. However, there was no chemistry for me.
During this
blog, I will reveal three things about me that probably do not flatter me.
However, it is my truth. This guy was smaller than me too and I knew as he
walked towards me in the Hotel, that I wasn’t attracted to him. Still, I’d like
to think we’ll remain good friends.
Mr 2 I met
for lunch, I was eating when he arrived and all he had was a pot of tea. As an
aside, I have met 3 men in this particular restaurant and I sit upstairs there
and I have no doubt the waitress is wondering about the 3 different men, I was
with for lunch! J He seemed nice enough, but there was zero attraction from me
to him. I’ll give him credit though, he came shopping with me for a scare, as
that night I was going to an ‘80’s charity night fancy dress and as I was
dressing as “Sandra Dee” I needed something for my hair. I was dressing in
leather trousers and jacket, when “Sandra Dee” had reached her bold confident
stage LOL. I was choosing a light coloured scarf and he suggested a red / orange
scarf. He was right on the colour and then informed me that he had been in the
rag trade for years! As I am NOT a natural shopper, I took his word for it and
he was right, the colours suited me. He too asked if we could meet again and
some wisdom in me, said, I’d sit with it. Dear Lord, was I grateful for listening
to my own inner voice! I texted him when I got home and stated there was no
spark for me, he texted back that he was “Gutted, as I had opened him mentally,
physically and sexually and that he was gutted”……. When I read that, I said to
myself, whoo Trich, lucky escape there girl!! Next morning I received a text
that said he hadn’t slept the night before and could we be friends. I agreed…………..Wrong
move on my part! The next Sunday, I receive a text to say that he met some
woman on the Friday night and she was going to his house to “Get Laid” …….As if
I needed to hear that! I requested he not contact me again……….. so after a
night and next morning of abusive texts to me, he thankfully went on his way. I’ve
learned NOT to respond to any messages from folk like him!!
I joined “Plenty
Of Fish” dating site, the night before I met Mr 1. That was on the 24th
March last. Then on Fools Day, I met Mr 3, Flippin Nora the chemistry was
great. But there was “something” and it took me the rest of the week to figure
it out. All texting, even after we met, with only one phone call prior to
meeting. He wasn’t congruent. That’s what I felt. I really am not interested in
folk who are not congruent. So it was bye bye to Mr 3.
Mr 4 was a
dote of a man, very bright, funny and artistic. So what was wrong? He was
smaller than me and folks, this is one thing I do not need to explain, it is
just the way I am. I am only 5’ 3 ½” I am not tall. I need a man to be taller
than me. What I really liked about him, was his intelligence, I am a bit of a
Sapiophile. Plus his humour was great too. It didn’t matter how I felt, he was
smaller than me ……………….. It is an issue I own and I do not feel the need to
look at why, I am this way! He asked me straight up, would I meet him again and
I declined.
Years ago my
eldest daughter went out with a guy much smaller than her and I even found that
difficult!!
Mr 5, oh
Sweet God, his bum wasn’t even on the seat, when he started being negative. I
experienced his energy like his two fists were up to me ready to fight! This
lasted for all but the last 20 minutes of the date. I knew he was nervous, but
he also took two phone calls from his mates and that to me is a no no. That is
not the decorum of a first date! In the last 15 to 20 minutes of the date, he
relaxed and his whole face changed. He asked me out to dinner and I declined
thanking him. I really could not deal with his sky high defences! I’ve done my
inner work and I still do it, so I absolutely honour this in me!
Mr 6…………. I
can’t remember his name……… oops! We had lunch, he was nice, kind of aggressive
and slightly grumpy, however, ok and a good Dad. He bought me lunch, which was
gentlemanly and I admire that in any man. There was a bit of one man up-ness about
him. But the bottom line was………. Yeah, no chemistry, at all! Slan……………………................
Mr 7 was on
time, I stood to take my jacket off and looked down at the cash desk and as I
did, there he was and he smiled up at me. Lovely guy I thought. He joined me
and gave me a present of a “Scrabble Dictionary”. We had played scrabble nights
before and he beat the socks off me. I was impressed, as I don’t normally loose
at scrabble! That may sound egotistic of me and maybe it is…….. it has been
years since I’ve played and on the night we did play scrabble, I had had a few
glasses of wine and my brain was slow! I am not making excuses for myself here,
this guy was / is brilliant at scrabble. While we spoke, I realised he thought
differently and I really liked that about him. He was genuinely a lovely man. I
went back to his house and we chatted for 4 hours! I had only intended to stay
for two hours! He is a very open man about who he is and where he came from. I
still like him. In fact I called to his house yesterday. He is courteous and
kind and thinks differently and sure I LOVE people who think differently and
who are different…… Hell I am so different in aspects of who I am, why wouldn’t
I love another unique individual. He asked me if we could do this again and I
said, I’d like that………… I’d love this guy as a friend, yeah, no fecking chemistry!
I was getting rather pissed off this scenario with myself, at this stage!
You see, I
can look at men and say they are attractive, however, I do not find them
attractive to me! It is the bane of my life in many ways. However, I trust my
own responses too. You see, I’ve made lots of mis – takes in my life, by not listening
to my instinct! I now listen to my body, as I believe, the body never lies and
the heart always knows! I got that, after the last relationship I had!!!!!!
Sometimes, I am a slow learner!
My need here
is to state and declare, that in all the men I have met, I kissed two, one tried
to kiss me, but I wasn’t going there. I have not had nookie with ANY OF THEM! It
wasn’t that I don’t want to make love with a guy, I’d love nothing more than to
make love, however, if I don’t feel it, I don’t go there, in a nut shell! The
way I see it, I can pleasure myself better, than most men can! That may sound crude;
believe me, I so dislike crude. Facts are facts, in my world! This is my
reality! Please don’t say, you haven’t met me yet! I know me! You do NOT!
The next
night, this guy, yeah Mr 8, started emailing me on POF and texting me on my
phone, so it was a catch up, between POF and texting! He was in a rush……… I
agreed to meet him the next evening in a pub, I often frequent for something to
eat. He was late! Tardy, I thought! He was ok-ish and I decided to kiss him. I
like to do that, the odd time, plus I felt I needed the practice………. No not
very honourable of me, I know! After we both had had two drink and I had had
something to eat, I decided to go to the smoking area for a cig, he said he was
going to the bathroom and that he’d pay for what we’d had………………………..
Now…………….here
was my dilemma ……. I could not leave the bar, without paying. So I paid for the
drinks and what I had eaten…………..I have never minded doing this…………. However,
more of that later………….
I had my cig
and we left the bar. He walked me to my car and even sat in it for about 10
minutes. In that time, he did not thank me for paying for his drinks! I did and
do have an issue with this! After I said good night, I received a text from him,
that stated …….. “I was going to ask you back to my place……..” I replied, “I
wouldn’t have gone”. His response was……”I am brave, but not stupid” ………….. I
already had the measure of him. When I texted him later on to say there was NO
spark, he came back with “I couldn’t be bothered with getting my brain fired
and continued with some other shite……….. I wasn’t arsed replying! So Mr 8 was
gone.
Mr 9 met me
last Wednesday night, in hurricane weather at Cork airport, after I had
finished work. I had said the Airport Hotel, which to me was the Raddison, but
he was nowhere to be seem when I arrived a few minutes late, due to that awful
weather and traffic! He had gone to the other Hotel in the airport complex! We
met in the foyer and again I instantly knew there was no attraction for me.
However, this man, while 12 years older than me, was a Gent. We spend three
hours together in relaxed conversation. I was impressed that he was born on the
same day as me, albeit 11 years earlier. He is a genius with computers amongst
other talents. The tail end of some hurricane was blaring outside, I was so
sorry I had parked so far away from the hotel!! Again, he was smaller than me…..
Sin é as far as I am concerned, plus, yeah that all elusive chemistry was not
there. Truly, a lovely human being…………… Again an individual, I’d loved to be
friends with………….?!? When I texted him to say, no spark…………….. his reply the
following day, which I had initially mis-understood, asked, if I had been
scared about how comfortable our date had been……… I didn't need to ponder this,
as one of my gifts, is that, I make people comfortable or uncomfortable with
me! I am so comfortable in my own skin and in who I am too. I realise this is
not the “Irish” way, however, it is my reality. I said so. I needed to be fair
with this man here, he is a gorgeous human being, but I just didn't fancy him,
sin é!
Mr 10 the
next night cancelled, I was grateful and if you don’t mind, my need is not to say
why! Plus, I was really getting exhausted!
So Mr 11,
became Mr 10. I liked the numerology …………. 10 equals 1………. This beautiful human
being and I spoke for days on the phone, he doesn’t do typing well! I dislike
texting, but would type and speak for Ireland!! ;)) This was THE man, I was
most interested in. I loved his profile when I read it. I liked his picture, he
is also in a similar profession to me and I have always wanted to date someone
in this particular profession. Anyway, he got peed off with my slow cautious approach,
so we did the phone calls………..Which lasted for at least 4 hours at a time! Yes,
believe it or believe it not, when I am really interested in someone, I do slow
and cautious…………. Fact about me! Or I do nothing about it, or I go for it………. Depending
on how I feel at that given time!
His voice
was sexy and I loved it………….. I have a thing about voices…………. Being on radio
for 6 years gave me an edge on voices………….. I really do find a good voice an aphrodisiac.
I probably shouldn’t say that, but my motto is, people do or they don’t, there
is no “should” about it!
He was
really into me and I was being cautious because I know me. I either am
attracted to you or I am not! I know the second I see you, if I am attracted or
not! In a way, it is a curse, on the other hand, it stands me in good stead
too! Who am I to criticise me?!? I am who I am and I both like and love who I
am. That is a gift to me.
Last
weekend, I spent it with my daughter, in Galway. We had a ball. I love who she
is and I love her company. She loves when I am driving, as it allows her to
talk with me, without any distractions. After we had checked in, I had to move
my car from the “Set Down” parking spot, which I did. I brought my phone with
me and phoned Mr 10. We ended up having a row………….. I don’t like conflict,
however, I tend to be either good or disastrously bad at it! There is rarely a
middle ground with it, with me! Anyway, I heard him the first time, I
apologised and ended up apologising 3 times and still he went on, so just
before I was beginning to lose it, I re-iterated and mirrored back to him, what
he had said, what I had heard and my 3 apologies. This time, he heard me!
However, I was a tad upset. I got over it and the next day, my daughter and I
walked Galway all day………… During this walk about, Mr 10 requested photo’s of
me, I obliged. What strikes me now, is that it did NOT dawn on me to request
the same of him! That wasn’t very bright of me! You see the row had been about
the fact that I had said, seemingly a number of times, I won’t know until I
meet you, if I am attracted to you….. This is what upset him. When he said, I
may not find you attractive, I felt it as a tiny sting and got what he was
saying, therefore, I apologised. After 3 apologies and not been heard, I was beginning
to lose my patience. Anyway……… I got over it.
We met
yesterday at the “MidWay” in Portlaoise. He was late, as he had gotten lost and
his car battery had died! This didn’t bother me, shite happens to us all……………
When he did
arrive he phoned me from the car park, saying, where are you, can you come out
to meet me…….. which I felt was a tad demanding, I don’t do demanding of me well!
Anyway, I did go out to the car park to meet him and in the distance, I saw him
and knew instantly, I didn’t fancy him. I stayed with him for an hour or so,
but while I sat there, in front of him, I just could not see me being intimate
with him. So I excused myself and went to the ladies. I came back and said I
was going home and stood up and said I won’t do the long goodbye. (Even though,
in my past, I have!) (But eventually I learn!) So we hugged and I left.
My heart was
so disappointed, truly, I still loved his voice and I had had hopes for us, as
a couple. All were dashed………. And as I say, Reality beats Fantasy hands down
all the time, I needed to repeat this to myself a number of times on the 4 hour
journey home! The row we had had on the Friday night, I had allowed myself to fall
into a fantasy notion, rather than waiting for the reality of meeting him. T’was
a hard lesson learned. When I know this so well!!
Last
Saturday, I had deleted my POF account. I won’t be going back for a while. I
actually don’t know if I will re-join or not! It may end up being a movable
feast, a bit like my hair! LOL!
What I've written has been my experience of dating, after a 20 month absence. It seems to
me that the only way to meet men is by internet dating. Twitter and Facebook
are NOT the place to meet anyone. Sure, I've met a lot of people at Tweetups
(Twitter Meet Ups), but none thus far that I’d fancy. Yeah, I know I am fussy,
but you know what, I am worth it. I am not being big headed about this, it is
my truth and my truth is all I can speak about.
So, if I am
to meet anyone, it is now, in God’s hands……………………………………………….. Oh the other two
things I cannot do…………. Are men younger than me, not under 45 and I’d have a
big challenge with that even! The other, and I so know this is not politically
correct, but I've had an experience where I put my back out and I am not prepared
to go out with men in wheel chairs. I've worked hard all my life, my life had
been difficult, I wouldn't change a thing about it, however, I do want my later
years on this planet to be a tad easier, for me. Plus, and I never admit this,
but at heart, I am a romantic. I want it all, love, romance, to balance each
other, to be great communicators, lovers, friends, companions etc. I am worth
it ;)
