Today I've decided to put up some of the poems I've written.
The first one I wrote in response to 9/11. I felt 9/11 brought me
to my knees, with the shock of what I saw on TV, I was in Barcelona that
day, when I received a text from my ex-husband to go & watch any TV station.
I wrote this poem a few months later, it is my response to 9/11 & indeed it
is true for any dishonouring, disrespectful & violent action that is bestowed on
any human being in our world. Paradoxically, it is true for honesty, kindness,
compassion & loving acts bestowed too.
I wrote this in Crookhaven, West Cork in 2001.
TO YOU AND ME!
I am you and you are me.
You and I make up the human chain.
Life sends us lessons.
Lessons, you and I need to learn.
But I deny and you deny.
'Tis the cancer that destroys, your soul and mine!
For I am you and you are me.
When I hate,
When I am full of anger,
When I am absolutely fearful and terrified,
When I declare war,
I bestow this on you!
For I am you and you are me.
When will I know,
That I am you and you are me?
If I hurt or kill you,
I hurt and kill me!
When will I know,
That you are me and I am you?
I will know when I choose to be you.
And you will know when you choose to be me.
When I admit to my denial, you will admit your denial.
When I am aware, you are aware,
That I am you and you are me!
Then life will have taught us peace and love.
OH JOY…………………….
I am you and you are me!
This one I wrote when I worked in Ballylickey Manor, Bantry, West Cork when I was 19 years old. I wrote it about the room that was my home in the summer of 1980.
The Walls of Silence
Together discussing favourite topics, between now familiar walls.
A room, where you feel relaxed, slowly discovering one another.
In a room you never knew.
A room full of other peoples memories,
yet the room tells no secrets.
If these walls could speak, imagine the stories they might tell.
Can these walls see us now?
Have the seen the people of long ago?
Will the see the people who have yet to enter?
Will history repeat itself between these walls of silence?
I hope yes, I hope not!
This next poem I wrote when I was 18 years old in Grange, Douglas, Co. Cork.I had
a big decision to make.........
The Decision
The decision has to be mine and only I can make it.
Does my whole future depend on this, my important decision?
Did you ever feel lost, lost in a maze, with low and heavy fog?
Did you feel unsure when you came to those crossroads and didn't know whether to
turn right or left or just go straight ahead?
'Tis I that am lost in this maze of life.
That is why I and only I can make my decision…….
My decision for the future.
This poem, I wrote when I was 18 too, again in Grange, Douglas, Co. Cork.
Lady in Black
The world, she is sleeping.
Except the lady in black.
The lady is alone on her island, so alone.
She longs for company, companionship that will not come.
Because the world, she is sleeping.
The company she longs for is that of a man, she met but twice.
Their first meeting was brief, but that of their second meeting was precious.
This meeting passed quickly, her memory of it beautiful.
The lady is confused and the answer she searches for is not there.
OR
She will not let it be known to herself.
Still, the world, she is sleeping.
This man, who is he? Where does he belong in her world?
She wants him near, to talk!
But all in vain, for he too is sleeping and is far away.
She remains alone, sitting on her island, in black, lost and unaware of the world that is sleeping.
Ironically in those days, I didn't wear black! But that's a whole other story!
I do hope you have enjoyed these?
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Drama A series of events having vivid, conflicting elements that capture one's interest
I was going to do a political blog about the Global Financial Crisis, but I thought, you know what, at the end of the day politics is utter bull shit!
Money is an illusion. I’ll repeat that, MONEY IS AN ILLUSION.
Our purpose in this world is to LOVE & to be HAPPY. Both are our choice.
Because at the end of our days, all that will be important is that we loved, had good relationships with our loved ones and friends and that we laugh & have fun. Most importantly, we give thanks for all we have, and that we Love God, our neighbour AS ourselves. I honestly believe this.
http://www.ariseindiaforum.org/nurse-reveals-the-top-5-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed/
God meant it to be simple. Look at the 10 commandments, if you lived by those rules and were mindful of the seven deadly sins, you’d die and be reborn as the soul you are in heaven. In my life, I’ve broken most of the 10 commandments, but I don’t think I’ve ever had a false God & I have not murdered anyone. Thank God. If I have a deadly sin, it is in the last year, I have been quite lazy! Or Sloth as it is in the seven deadly sins!
While on the 7 deadly sins, Greed on the part of the illuminati / Bilderburg Group / Troika is real. It isn’t the ordinary person, in the main who were greedy or who partied, it is the so called élite who are greedy & still party, at our expense. They do much worse too. But as they too have the media sown up, all we get on main stream media is propaganda. Now some of it on the internet ain’t great either! I’ve been burnt there too! If I had any wisdom to give on main stream media, I’d say, stop watching TV. It numbs you! Trust me on this, I was addicted to it! The élite actually control us by putting the worst fear in us, they threaten our safety! Please do look up the 9/11 truth documentary!
Over a year ago you will know if you are a regular reader to my blog, that I had a great need to educate myself on the economic state of our country. So I went off to Kilkeconomics, an economic bonanza of the who’s who in Ireland and abroad. Nearing the end of the 4 days or so I was there, I felt so over-whelmed by what I was hearing, I skipped a session.
In February last year, I went sick from work & I ended up being out of work for 7 & ½ months & I went down to ¼ pay. I job share you see. During that time, I did as much research as I could on what the feck was happening in our world. I looked at economic terrorists, http://www.infowars.com/economic-terrorists-thats-you/ I learnt what fractional reserve banking is. Google it! It ain’t pretty. I read about shell, the Niger Delta, Shell to Sea, the Vatican’s corruption, which I’d known about since reading the book God’s Banker! The oil & gas reserves off the Irish coast & that Providence is now off the Baltimore West Cork Coast! I learnt about Fracking, that a lot of our taxes are fraudulent, about being sovereign, about banking and about a lot of corruption!
I started watching Max Keiser http://rt.com/programs/keiser-report/ & I went to see Max in Dublin, & went to a few protests. Money as debt http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc3sKwwAaCU&feature=share I looked up Medjugorje http://www.medjugorje.ws/ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-FvMvsnttc&feature=related The Mayan predictions /calendar http://soundofheart.org/galacticfreepress/content/what-mayan-elders-say-about-2012 all the predictions in fact! But a prediction is just that. Now don’t get me wrong, something will happen at the end of this year, but we human beings can change it, if we choose to. I looked up and read copious articles on Ireland’s economic demise and how Iceland are doing so much better than us and they burnt the banks and the bondholders. It is well known, I do not like what Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan & Monsanto are doing. They are part of the illuminati. I know they are creating the Global Financial Crisis for their own greedy end.
I looked up Haarp http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3GEEw3lcIw and the destruction it is doing to our world’s weather along with Chemtrails. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFpS1yVioLM&feature=share I followed all the earthquakes and found this massive volcano & they say if it blows it will take out most of Europe. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/moslive/article-1342820/Vesuviuss-big-daddy-supervolcano-Campi-Flegrei-near-Naples-threatens-Europe.html
I followed Fukushima http://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=fukushima%20update&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CC0QFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffukushimaupdate.com%2F&ei=ofIJT-LDDJOxhAfml_mZCQ&usg=AFQjCNGjt3KPjMbLI2k6FduHOUQHdHvW_g&sig2=jhqC3gY5cv2VlHp7mp-yQQ and I know the radiation levels in Tokyo exceed Chernobyl! I saw how the big oil companies keep oil prices inflated & that there is technology out there where we don’t need oil. I read that very creative people made cars that run on water & a few of them are dead now! Look this up too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djDV_suycA8 and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7PQG5weeHk and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ym5ZCUr8bEY&feature=share and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OaM12UIeVA
I’ve read and researched so much & then I hit a bigger wall! I went through a period of being terrified of all the evil that is going on in our world. Then I’d start again and read more. I am a Twitter & facebook information junky! I became anxious and fearful again, I wasn’t sleeping! Plus there was a lot going on in my work life! Which, to this day, has not being resolved!
Then last August, I realised something so simple, MONEY IS AN ILLUSION. You have no idea what freedom this has given to me. Now don’t get me wrong, I use money to buy food, fuel & pay some of my bills, because for now I am in a system where money is used. I don’t have a lot of it, in truth. And I am grateful for that, because I won’t have much to lose, when the crash comes. For the financial crash is coming. It is just a question of when. I predict between now and Easter, possibly mid April. I might as well throw in my own lol!! The world can actually function without money folks! I went to a debt conference and there were 31 or 32 people in the room & the total debt between us was €60 MILLION! I realised then, we are fucked as a country, if this is a microcosm view of Ireland's debt! To clarify, my debt was the smallest, thank God!
What I don’t get is this, why the Irish Government are buying into all of this crap, there is only one answer, there is a gain in it for them. There is always a gain to stay asleep or in denial. It is our great protector, to a point!
Look this up http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwpUYogeSwI&feature=share This is good too http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-1nSnlBdR0
I felt I needed to do something, so I set up #TheGathering which is an online meeting hosted by @onlinemeetings. This is the original invitation.
The Gathering Thursday the 8th December 2011 8 PM to 9 PM On line, Live Stream, Hosted by,
Irish Debate Onlinemeetingrooms.com @onlinemeetings
I have organised a live stream forum with Irish Debate on the above date & time.
The aim of this forum is to unite groups & individuals in Ireland to share experiences & information, but above all, it is an opportunity for us to unite & take positive peaceful mature action for ourselves & our communities.
Why? Because the need to ease the financial struggles of what life has become in Ireland, is needed now! To be a strong voice, my need is that we unite & I hope this is your need too.
I will post the link to you later this week. This forum is by invitation only, as this live free stream can only host 50 people. We can discuss a bigger forum, if needed, on the night.
No politicians or their cohorts will be invited.
I wish to state, I feel it is very important that as individuals and groups, that we unite, while maintaining our individuality. My need is that you respect this & each other on the night.
BTW you will need head phones to participate & a computer camera, latter not necessary. You will need fast broadband.
If you cannot make it on the night, please let me know, as I can invite someone else.
Yours most sincerely,
My aim in doing this, is to take action for ourselves by way of a mortgage strike, I think we need to bring the banks to their collective knees as this is what they are doing to Human Beings.
Our next meeting is next Thursday the 12th January. I’ve met up with a guy called Barry who along with others want to start a financial strike. Also a few ladies on Twitter want to go to the Labour party conference in Galway this year to voice their protest peacefully, at what the Government are doing to us human beings in Ireland. As you may be aware, there is to be another budget soon.
My point in writing this blog is this. It is now the time for us all to unite. It is time for us all to go back to our basic values. To love yourselves because the degree to which you love self is the degree to which you love another. It is vital to love God. Look at the earth he has given us, look at the beauty of Earth, it will tell you how much you are loved more than I ever could. Give thanks for all you have and send the earth, your family, friends & especially those who treat you badly, LOVE. http://www.ted.com/talks/ric_elias.html#.TwgrSkSH96l.facebook
In the days ahead, do grow your own food, store enough organic seeds, read all about the wonderful benefits of herbs, berries & even weeds! Educate yourself on storing water for example. http://webecoist.momtastic.com/2008/09/30/most-powerful-potent-medicinal-medical-plants-in-nature/ & http://www.richardcassaro.com/the-ancient-doctrine-of-signatures-suppressed-by-the-elite
Now is the time that we look after each other & to unite together with God or your higher being.
Remember this you could not treat another human being badly, if you loved who you are! If you pray, continue to do so, the world needs all our prayers right now. And do trust God.
In conclusion, this whole Global Financial Crisis is a drama, when someone plays out a drama in your life, trust me, they are hiding something! Ask yourself what are the so called elite hiding from us!
Much love to you & yours, Trich.
Money is an illusion. I’ll repeat that, MONEY IS AN ILLUSION.
Our purpose in this world is to LOVE & to be HAPPY. Both are our choice.
Because at the end of our days, all that will be important is that we loved, had good relationships with our loved ones and friends and that we laugh & have fun. Most importantly, we give thanks for all we have, and that we Love God, our neighbour AS ourselves. I honestly believe this.
http://www.ariseindiaforum.org/nurse-reveals-the-top-5-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed/
God meant it to be simple. Look at the 10 commandments, if you lived by those rules and were mindful of the seven deadly sins, you’d die and be reborn as the soul you are in heaven. In my life, I’ve broken most of the 10 commandments, but I don’t think I’ve ever had a false God & I have not murdered anyone. Thank God. If I have a deadly sin, it is in the last year, I have been quite lazy! Or Sloth as it is in the seven deadly sins!
While on the 7 deadly sins, Greed on the part of the illuminati / Bilderburg Group / Troika is real. It isn’t the ordinary person, in the main who were greedy or who partied, it is the so called élite who are greedy & still party, at our expense. They do much worse too. But as they too have the media sown up, all we get on main stream media is propaganda. Now some of it on the internet ain’t great either! I’ve been burnt there too! If I had any wisdom to give on main stream media, I’d say, stop watching TV. It numbs you! Trust me on this, I was addicted to it! The élite actually control us by putting the worst fear in us, they threaten our safety! Please do look up the 9/11 truth documentary!
Over a year ago you will know if you are a regular reader to my blog, that I had a great need to educate myself on the economic state of our country. So I went off to Kilkeconomics, an economic bonanza of the who’s who in Ireland and abroad. Nearing the end of the 4 days or so I was there, I felt so over-whelmed by what I was hearing, I skipped a session.
In February last year, I went sick from work & I ended up being out of work for 7 & ½ months & I went down to ¼ pay. I job share you see. During that time, I did as much research as I could on what the feck was happening in our world. I looked at economic terrorists, http://www.infowars.com/economic-terrorists-thats-you/ I learnt what fractional reserve banking is. Google it! It ain’t pretty. I read about shell, the Niger Delta, Shell to Sea, the Vatican’s corruption, which I’d known about since reading the book God’s Banker! The oil & gas reserves off the Irish coast & that Providence is now off the Baltimore West Cork Coast! I learnt about Fracking, that a lot of our taxes are fraudulent, about being sovereign, about banking and about a lot of corruption!
I started watching Max Keiser http://rt.com/programs/keiser-report/ & I went to see Max in Dublin, & went to a few protests. Money as debt http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc3sKwwAaCU&feature=share I looked up Medjugorje http://www.medjugorje.ws/ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-FvMvsnttc&feature=related The Mayan predictions /calendar http://soundofheart.org/galacticfreepress/content/what-mayan-elders-say-about-2012 all the predictions in fact! But a prediction is just that. Now don’t get me wrong, something will happen at the end of this year, but we human beings can change it, if we choose to. I looked up and read copious articles on Ireland’s economic demise and how Iceland are doing so much better than us and they burnt the banks and the bondholders. It is well known, I do not like what Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan & Monsanto are doing. They are part of the illuminati. I know they are creating the Global Financial Crisis for their own greedy end.
I looked up Haarp http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3GEEw3lcIw and the destruction it is doing to our world’s weather along with Chemtrails. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFpS1yVioLM&feature=share I followed all the earthquakes and found this massive volcano & they say if it blows it will take out most of Europe. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/moslive/article-1342820/Vesuviuss-big-daddy-supervolcano-Campi-Flegrei-near-Naples-threatens-Europe.html
I followed Fukushima http://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=fukushima%20update&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CC0QFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffukushimaupdate.com%2F&ei=ofIJT-LDDJOxhAfml_mZCQ&usg=AFQjCNGjt3KPjMbLI2k6FduHOUQHdHvW_g&sig2=jhqC3gY5cv2VlHp7mp-yQQ and I know the radiation levels in Tokyo exceed Chernobyl! I saw how the big oil companies keep oil prices inflated & that there is technology out there where we don’t need oil. I read that very creative people made cars that run on water & a few of them are dead now! Look this up too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djDV_suycA8 and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7PQG5weeHk and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ym5ZCUr8bEY&feature=share and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OaM12UIeVA
I’ve read and researched so much & then I hit a bigger wall! I went through a period of being terrified of all the evil that is going on in our world. Then I’d start again and read more. I am a Twitter & facebook information junky! I became anxious and fearful again, I wasn’t sleeping! Plus there was a lot going on in my work life! Which, to this day, has not being resolved!
Then last August, I realised something so simple, MONEY IS AN ILLUSION. You have no idea what freedom this has given to me. Now don’t get me wrong, I use money to buy food, fuel & pay some of my bills, because for now I am in a system where money is used. I don’t have a lot of it, in truth. And I am grateful for that, because I won’t have much to lose, when the crash comes. For the financial crash is coming. It is just a question of when. I predict between now and Easter, possibly mid April. I might as well throw in my own lol!! The world can actually function without money folks! I went to a debt conference and there were 31 or 32 people in the room & the total debt between us was €60 MILLION! I realised then, we are fucked as a country, if this is a microcosm view of Ireland's debt! To clarify, my debt was the smallest, thank God!
What I don’t get is this, why the Irish Government are buying into all of this crap, there is only one answer, there is a gain in it for them. There is always a gain to stay asleep or in denial. It is our great protector, to a point!
Look this up http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwpUYogeSwI&feature=share This is good too http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-1nSnlBdR0
I felt I needed to do something, so I set up #TheGathering which is an online meeting hosted by @onlinemeetings. This is the original invitation.
The Gathering Thursday the 8th December 2011 8 PM to 9 PM On line, Live Stream, Hosted by,
Irish Debate Onlinemeetingrooms.com @onlinemeetings
I have organised a live stream forum with Irish Debate on the above date & time.
The aim of this forum is to unite groups & individuals in Ireland to share experiences & information, but above all, it is an opportunity for us to unite & take positive peaceful mature action for ourselves & our communities.
Why? Because the need to ease the financial struggles of what life has become in Ireland, is needed now! To be a strong voice, my need is that we unite & I hope this is your need too.
I will post the link to you later this week. This forum is by invitation only, as this live free stream can only host 50 people. We can discuss a bigger forum, if needed, on the night.
No politicians or their cohorts will be invited.
I wish to state, I feel it is very important that as individuals and groups, that we unite, while maintaining our individuality. My need is that you respect this & each other on the night.
BTW you will need head phones to participate & a computer camera, latter not necessary. You will need fast broadband.
If you cannot make it on the night, please let me know, as I can invite someone else.
Yours most sincerely,
My aim in doing this, is to take action for ourselves by way of a mortgage strike, I think we need to bring the banks to their collective knees as this is what they are doing to Human Beings.
Our next meeting is next Thursday the 12th January. I’ve met up with a guy called Barry who along with others want to start a financial strike. Also a few ladies on Twitter want to go to the Labour party conference in Galway this year to voice their protest peacefully, at what the Government are doing to us human beings in Ireland. As you may be aware, there is to be another budget soon.
My point in writing this blog is this. It is now the time for us all to unite. It is time for us all to go back to our basic values. To love yourselves because the degree to which you love self is the degree to which you love another. It is vital to love God. Look at the earth he has given us, look at the beauty of Earth, it will tell you how much you are loved more than I ever could. Give thanks for all you have and send the earth, your family, friends & especially those who treat you badly, LOVE. http://www.ted.com/talks/ric_elias.html#.TwgrSkSH96l.facebook
In the days ahead, do grow your own food, store enough organic seeds, read all about the wonderful benefits of herbs, berries & even weeds! Educate yourself on storing water for example. http://webecoist.momtastic.com/2008/09/30/most-powerful-potent-medicinal-medical-plants-in-nature/ & http://www.richardcassaro.com/the-ancient-doctrine-of-signatures-suppressed-by-the-elite
Now is the time that we look after each other & to unite together with God or your higher being.
Remember this you could not treat another human being badly, if you loved who you are! If you pray, continue to do so, the world needs all our prayers right now. And do trust God.
In conclusion, this whole Global Financial Crisis is a drama, when someone plays out a drama in your life, trust me, they are hiding something! Ask yourself what are the so called elite hiding from us!
Much love to you & yours, Trich.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
No, I am not following my Passion or Passions!
In my life I have been passionate about people in the main. Before my children arrived, I was passionate about radio, namely pirate radio and when the girls were in their mid teens, I went back to hospital radio for 5 years.
The longest passion I’ve had is writing, I was always writing. I practiced making my penmanship creative & unique to me. It is all of these things. I have many diaries since my teens & while the girls were growing up.
I was passionate about the girls Dad too................. But that was fado fado.
I suppose my greatest passions were and are my children, who are all grown up now & living their own lives. As nature intends I am not as involved in their lives as I once was and rightly so.
I am also passionate when I dance, but I don’t dance anymore! Dancing for me is the vertical expression of love making. Even if that is with myself, when I dance alone.
This morning, I opened my first email and read a reply from the author of a blog, I had commented on.
“Greg Canty commented on Are you following your passion?.
in response to irishminx:
Brilliant post Greg……
thanks for the positive feedback Trich - can I ask the question .... are you following your passion?”
What a challenging question to read first thing in the morning......... I honestly replied via email that no, I am not following my passion. In fact, I am not sure what my passion is anymore!
Hence this blog in an attempt to find out what is it I am passionate about. But first, I need to explore with you what I was and am passionate about in my life.
I am & always have been passionate about asking questions, it can drive other people nuts, but if I don’t understand something, my need is to seek to understand. So I question until I understand. Plus there are times, I won’t accept what someone else says and go off and find out for myself, much to those who love me, annoyance!
Honesty is another passion I have. In a world where honesty is not valued, this has often gotten me into trouble, which sounds paradoxical, doesn’t it! A lot of people do not like truth. But you know, lies hurt more than truth in my own experience. My motto is this, “I can deal with what I know; I cannot deal with what I don’t know.” Lies make me feel as though I am on quicksand & I am the one sinking & trust me, that is not a pleasant place to be.
As a child, I was passionate about God. I absolutely believe that my belief in God’s LOVE for me, is the main factor that kept me safe & sane. However, at the moment, I am going through what I can only describe as a barren phase, in that I am finding it quite difficult to pray. Mass is out of the question, I didn’t even go on Christmas day! Not that I am a regular mass goer, I am not. However, when I make the effort to go, I love Mass and receiving Holy Communion. I even love Confession! I absolutely believe in the power of prayer. When I was either 19 or 20, I went away for a weekend to look at being a nun! On the Sunday, the head Nun and a priest were giving us a talk, when I piped up with, “I don’t believe I can be a nun, as I know, I would want to have sex and not having it, seems a very bleak existence!” The priest replied, “Now I am glad you brought that up Trich”..... Needless to say, his response did not make a difference to me :) I do love God & I know he loves me unconditionally and that is not personal to me, as God loves us all unconditionally. I’ve just realised that maybe I am behaving like a rebellious teenager with God right now, in that, I want some sign from him/her of how much he/r loves me!! Jeez, I better ponder on this some more!
Believe it or not, there are time gaps when I write, as I go off to Twitter, facebook and look at my emails. So just believe me when I say, this actually happened near the end of me writing this blog please.
Well, looking at an email from a very new correspondent to me, a wee while ago, a gentle truth struck me. This guy has been sending me THE most beautiful photo’s for the past few days that he himself has taken. The guy has to have wonderfully beautiful eyes, as the absolute beauty, he captures in those photographs are stunning. I actually cried looking at these photographs last night and told him so in an email. Then he sent me two beautiful pieces of music that I hadn’t heard before. Both were musical pieces, one called Tender Devotion & the other....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFQQsu6VBYA
Just look at the conductor, it’s looks like he is making love to this music. :) I loved both pieces of music. Then in-between writing this, I’d wander off somewhere else & this lovely gentleman sent me another email. It was then I saw. (Now you may think I am mad, but this is my truth), I saw gently that this man was showing me and allowing me to hear beauty, in what he was sending me. God has many ways of showing us he loves us and one of those ways is the beautiful world he created for us. I was looking for a sign that God really did still love me & there it was, in the form of a kind man, whom I have not met, sending me beauty. Truly, I am in awe. (Say this gently please).
Now back to the original blog.....
Sometime later in my young life, I came to the conclusion that I didn’t want sex, however, I did want to make love with a man & I wanted him to make love with me. To this day, I still feel the same way, which makes one night stands rare in my life! ( I am human too ) :) I’ve had many offers of “Come on Trich, lets have a Fuck or a Shag”. This is THE greatest turn off for me and I smile & say NO Thanks! I don’t believe this is something that I am boasting about, by the way.
I do though, love to make love & if the object of my affection is a good kisser, WOW! Because I am a great kisser & I miss both when I am single. I love to tease & flirt, it builds anticipation in my head & man you cannot get a better aphrodisiac to my mind! It starts in the head with me :) The biggest single issue I have, is that there are so few men I am attracted to & if I am, they tend to be in a relationship thereby ending the attraction for me. :) I need to stop here, as I do intend to do a separate blog about sex & sexuality some day..................
Suffice to say, I am passionate about making love.
At 18 years old, I discovered psychology and I believe it is what has helped & guided me throughout my life. Psychology seeks to understand human behaviour and many many years later, I learned that ALL behaviour is wise. Our own behaviour mirror’s for us, what is going on inside of us, if we only took heed. When you perceive a child to be bold, it isn’t that they wish to make your life difficult, rather it is, they are showing you, how difficult their life is for them! It makes sense really, when you think about it and if children do this, well you know, we are big children and the same applies to us. I could go on about psychology, because I do love it, but I am under pressure time wise now. Not only have I read a lot of psychology books, I have also spent 5 years studying it in both Maynooth College & UCC twice. Because I needed to heal me!
I am passionate about sharing good information too. (As all my friends, Twitter & facebook pals know!) This along with my asking questions & the fact that I am passionate about people brought me into the job I do now & have done since 1992. My job is to listen, to hear a person’s need, to ask copious questions & to give people sound advice and very often money. If I don’t know the answer to something, I’ll go and find out & later relay that information to that person. One of the most important aspects of my work, as I see it, is to enable people to help themselves. On the QT I will also bring in my relationship mentoring skills. It is quite often needed in the work I do. It is not something I broadcast; I tend to do it whenever the need arises and it does arise now more than ever before. However, the powers that be have changed a lot in our work, in the last number of years. Then about three & a half years ago, something major happened in work and it was after that, that I stopped listening to them. I may blog about this sometime soon! And while I still love doing clinics, I do not like the rest of my work anymore! And more especially since Troika have brain washed the majority of the “power heads”. But I won’t do political just now! Yep, that too is another blog ;)
I started this blog telling you I love radio & writing. I have three books on the go that I have not touched in about 5 or 6 years! When I write, it is such a natural high and I feel this too when my signature tune starts to play at the beginning of one of my radio shows. No matter how I feel before the radio show starts, when Bitter Sweet Samba by Herb Alpert starts playing, I am all buzzed up on a natural high.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LV50GNmTV6I
The picture is clear, isn’t it?
Plus, I’d love nothing more right now than to do a radio show on relationship mentoring. I think the world’s people need to hear, that THE most important relationship is with yourself & God. Every other relationship I have depends totally on the relationship I have with myself! My truth is this too, when I pray and have a close relationship with God, I am a happier being. I haven’t felt happy for about a month now & I miss it. Around the same time, I stopped praying!
My only ambition in life is this.......... I want to be who God made me to be. And I think I am not doing this.
Big changes ahead huh!
What a fecking challenge Greg!
And Georg, Thank you :)
The longest passion I’ve had is writing, I was always writing. I practiced making my penmanship creative & unique to me. It is all of these things. I have many diaries since my teens & while the girls were growing up.
I was passionate about the girls Dad too................. But that was fado fado.
I suppose my greatest passions were and are my children, who are all grown up now & living their own lives. As nature intends I am not as involved in their lives as I once was and rightly so.
I am also passionate when I dance, but I don’t dance anymore! Dancing for me is the vertical expression of love making. Even if that is with myself, when I dance alone.
This morning, I opened my first email and read a reply from the author of a blog, I had commented on.
“Greg Canty commented on Are you following your passion?.
in response to irishminx:
Brilliant post Greg……
thanks for the positive feedback Trich - can I ask the question .... are you following your passion?”
What a challenging question to read first thing in the morning......... I honestly replied via email that no, I am not following my passion. In fact, I am not sure what my passion is anymore!
Hence this blog in an attempt to find out what is it I am passionate about. But first, I need to explore with you what I was and am passionate about in my life.
I am & always have been passionate about asking questions, it can drive other people nuts, but if I don’t understand something, my need is to seek to understand. So I question until I understand. Plus there are times, I won’t accept what someone else says and go off and find out for myself, much to those who love me, annoyance!
Honesty is another passion I have. In a world where honesty is not valued, this has often gotten me into trouble, which sounds paradoxical, doesn’t it! A lot of people do not like truth. But you know, lies hurt more than truth in my own experience. My motto is this, “I can deal with what I know; I cannot deal with what I don’t know.” Lies make me feel as though I am on quicksand & I am the one sinking & trust me, that is not a pleasant place to be.
As a child, I was passionate about God. I absolutely believe that my belief in God’s LOVE for me, is the main factor that kept me safe & sane. However, at the moment, I am going through what I can only describe as a barren phase, in that I am finding it quite difficult to pray. Mass is out of the question, I didn’t even go on Christmas day! Not that I am a regular mass goer, I am not. However, when I make the effort to go, I love Mass and receiving Holy Communion. I even love Confession! I absolutely believe in the power of prayer. When I was either 19 or 20, I went away for a weekend to look at being a nun! On the Sunday, the head Nun and a priest were giving us a talk, when I piped up with, “I don’t believe I can be a nun, as I know, I would want to have sex and not having it, seems a very bleak existence!” The priest replied, “Now I am glad you brought that up Trich”..... Needless to say, his response did not make a difference to me :) I do love God & I know he loves me unconditionally and that is not personal to me, as God loves us all unconditionally. I’ve just realised that maybe I am behaving like a rebellious teenager with God right now, in that, I want some sign from him/her of how much he/r loves me!! Jeez, I better ponder on this some more!
Believe it or not, there are time gaps when I write, as I go off to Twitter, facebook and look at my emails. So just believe me when I say, this actually happened near the end of me writing this blog please.
Well, looking at an email from a very new correspondent to me, a wee while ago, a gentle truth struck me. This guy has been sending me THE most beautiful photo’s for the past few days that he himself has taken. The guy has to have wonderfully beautiful eyes, as the absolute beauty, he captures in those photographs are stunning. I actually cried looking at these photographs last night and told him so in an email. Then he sent me two beautiful pieces of music that I hadn’t heard before. Both were musical pieces, one called Tender Devotion & the other....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFQQsu6VBYA
Just look at the conductor, it’s looks like he is making love to this music. :) I loved both pieces of music. Then in-between writing this, I’d wander off somewhere else & this lovely gentleman sent me another email. It was then I saw. (Now you may think I am mad, but this is my truth), I saw gently that this man was showing me and allowing me to hear beauty, in what he was sending me. God has many ways of showing us he loves us and one of those ways is the beautiful world he created for us. I was looking for a sign that God really did still love me & there it was, in the form of a kind man, whom I have not met, sending me beauty. Truly, I am in awe. (Say this gently please).
Now back to the original blog.....
Sometime later in my young life, I came to the conclusion that I didn’t want sex, however, I did want to make love with a man & I wanted him to make love with me. To this day, I still feel the same way, which makes one night stands rare in my life! ( I am human too ) :) I’ve had many offers of “Come on Trich, lets have a Fuck or a Shag”. This is THE greatest turn off for me and I smile & say NO Thanks! I don’t believe this is something that I am boasting about, by the way.
I do though, love to make love & if the object of my affection is a good kisser, WOW! Because I am a great kisser & I miss both when I am single. I love to tease & flirt, it builds anticipation in my head & man you cannot get a better aphrodisiac to my mind! It starts in the head with me :) The biggest single issue I have, is that there are so few men I am attracted to & if I am, they tend to be in a relationship thereby ending the attraction for me. :) I need to stop here, as I do intend to do a separate blog about sex & sexuality some day..................
Suffice to say, I am passionate about making love.
At 18 years old, I discovered psychology and I believe it is what has helped & guided me throughout my life. Psychology seeks to understand human behaviour and many many years later, I learned that ALL behaviour is wise. Our own behaviour mirror’s for us, what is going on inside of us, if we only took heed. When you perceive a child to be bold, it isn’t that they wish to make your life difficult, rather it is, they are showing you, how difficult their life is for them! It makes sense really, when you think about it and if children do this, well you know, we are big children and the same applies to us. I could go on about psychology, because I do love it, but I am under pressure time wise now. Not only have I read a lot of psychology books, I have also spent 5 years studying it in both Maynooth College & UCC twice. Because I needed to heal me!
I am passionate about sharing good information too. (As all my friends, Twitter & facebook pals know!) This along with my asking questions & the fact that I am passionate about people brought me into the job I do now & have done since 1992. My job is to listen, to hear a person’s need, to ask copious questions & to give people sound advice and very often money. If I don’t know the answer to something, I’ll go and find out & later relay that information to that person. One of the most important aspects of my work, as I see it, is to enable people to help themselves. On the QT I will also bring in my relationship mentoring skills. It is quite often needed in the work I do. It is not something I broadcast; I tend to do it whenever the need arises and it does arise now more than ever before. However, the powers that be have changed a lot in our work, in the last number of years. Then about three & a half years ago, something major happened in work and it was after that, that I stopped listening to them. I may blog about this sometime soon! And while I still love doing clinics, I do not like the rest of my work anymore! And more especially since Troika have brain washed the majority of the “power heads”. But I won’t do political just now! Yep, that too is another blog ;)
I started this blog telling you I love radio & writing. I have three books on the go that I have not touched in about 5 or 6 years! When I write, it is such a natural high and I feel this too when my signature tune starts to play at the beginning of one of my radio shows. No matter how I feel before the radio show starts, when Bitter Sweet Samba by Herb Alpert starts playing, I am all buzzed up on a natural high.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LV50GNmTV6I
The picture is clear, isn’t it?
Plus, I’d love nothing more right now than to do a radio show on relationship mentoring. I think the world’s people need to hear, that THE most important relationship is with yourself & God. Every other relationship I have depends totally on the relationship I have with myself! My truth is this too, when I pray and have a close relationship with God, I am a happier being. I haven’t felt happy for about a month now & I miss it. Around the same time, I stopped praying!
My only ambition in life is this.......... I want to be who God made me to be. And I think I am not doing this.
Big changes ahead huh!
What a fecking challenge Greg!
And Georg, Thank you :)
Friday, December 30, 2011
A Painful December 2011
I don’t remember ever been the scorned woman, until recently, that is! I did not react well. But the b*st*rd deserved it. After dating for 3 years, albeit on & off, he went off with a woman & didn’t turn up to my birthday party last summer. He lied about this constantly. Over a month later, I found the naked photos of her & emails from her to him & his to her etc. on his computer. I was shocked, but not surprised. He tried to lie again about it, until I gave him a verbatim on the text & photo’s. I exit with my dignity intact, who needs a blood sucker & a liar like this! I didn’t.
Roll on four months, I meet him and as he hugs me in my car, he opens my bra too! I was not impressed. It reminds me, he has no boundaries, so after a number of expletives, I calm down. He went his way & I went mine, an hour later, I receive a text to say he left his Bluetooth in my car! How & where? I’m briefly confused, and then realise, this is his way, and he reminds me of the plant that catch’s flies. Later we meet & the last thing he says is, “We could fix this you know, if we worked hard at it”. I drive away.
Three days later, I am in his home. We have dinner & drinks, I cried a lot about the shitty ending we had and the hurt I felt. It really is the most I have cried since August! I ask him if he sees her, “About once a month”, he says, “But I don’t want a relationship with her & she doesn’t want one with me”. So I say, “You’re not dating then”? “No”, he says. So I go to the guest room & he follows, his love making is so familiar. The next morning we are intimate again & he goes to work. He comes home and we eat, but he isn’t sparking. He says, she says, “If you make love with her, I will be hurt”, so he says to me, “Think I’ll stick with plan A”. I didn’t need to ask what plan A is, he was going to lie to her and or, already had.
I had a meeting, so I went to do that. When it was over, a half an hour later, he went to his bed. Soon afterwards, I crept in silently to get my slippers. Creeping back out of his room, he sits up & starts chatting. “I thought you were asleep”, I say. “No”, he says. I then asked what he meant by the last thing he said last Sunday, he says, I didn’t mean anything by it”. So I ask him, "Why say it then?” and he just shrugs. I walk out of the room & go downstairs to make a phone call. Then I go to the office & spend time there and as it is time for bed, I head off to the main bathroom to take my make up off & brush my teeth, as you do. When I am almost finished, he comes in to the main bathroom, ignoring his en suite & uses the lavatory. After he washes his hands, he takes my hand and brings me to his bedroom. We make love again. But the smell of sex from his sheets is vile. Afterwards, he says, “She wanted to know why you were rooting today.” “I don’t root; I took paper from the top of your filing cabinet & put it on the floor & found the watch that you had lost over 8 months ago”, I say. “Plus, if I wasn’t dating you, that is not a question I would ask, as it has ownership”? He shrugs again. I get up & go to the guest room & sleep. He is gone by the time; I am awake the next morning. I turn on my computer & there is an email from him, thanking me for our “Grand Finale”! “Fuck you”, says I!
It is Friday, so I do my Twitter Friday Follow, shower, dress, pack, check his house at least 10 times, that there is nothing of me left, then I pack the car. Go back to the office & write an #FF especially for him which went, A very special 3 #FF to @....... Then I pack up my lap top & leave. I smile driving away, as I know he won’t see what is coming…………I like to be subtle when I metaphorically hit you with a ton of bricks! Though it is something I have rarely done in my life.
I arrived home & turn on my computer, to find a thank you from him for my #FF. I reply, “@....... It was my pleasure #Sincerely 3. Then he texted me, “Please stop with the tweets especially the 3, bound to ask what’s that about? You trying to shaft me?" I replied, “Oh Yes …… it’s what U fu*king deserve! Payback you low life! I am taking huge pleasure in this”. He says via text, “You ok?”, I reply “I am wonderful, thank U 4 Ur concern. I hope U get what Ur due, Sincerely” Then I put this tweet out on Twitter, “ @....... It is what it is xxx as it was 3 times ;) …… just so as you know. He then sent this text, “Any trust I ever had, any faith I ever had, any admiration I ever had, in you died today”. (I did notice he didn’t write any love!) & I replied, “You’re about 6 months behind me!”. To which he replied, “Don’t ever contact me or my family again!” My last reply to him was, “Fu*k Off, You Fraud”. I felt good inside that I had gotten my own back on the fecker and he hadn't thought me capable of it! And I felt, at least she’d know he’d charm the skin off a snake & lie all the while he was doing so.
The next morning around eleven o clock I deleted the posts, as I felt it wasn’t fair to leave them up. I knew my behaviour was not honourable. I had walked away in August, in December, I could not collude with his lies. He had lied to me for 3 years, he even went so far as to accused me, for the last year & a half, that I was flirting on direct messages on Twitter. I never did in the 3 years we were together. What really peed me off was I know this stuff! I know that everything I say, do, feel & think is 100% about me and therefore that is true for every other human being. And when I tried to discuss this with him, he’d brush it off & change the subject. It was so bad at times, that the only way I was anyway sure I was getting the truth was to ask him for scouts honour, then I had some idea that some of what he said was true! Why did he lie so much? I honestly do not know, but what I do know is that he subtly blamed his ex for the break- up of his marriage. I no longer believe that! He likes to see himself as a victim, victims do not ever take responsibility for their behaviour or their actions! Yes, I know on a professional level that this is a defence. Today, I am not being professional! I could also go places here with you, about why I had put up with this for so long, suffice to know, I know why I did!
The next horrible thing to happen in December was this. My 86 year old aunt, was on her way to see her dying eldest son & while changing buses she slipped & fell, breaking a bone in her shoulder. Now this lady is difficult! None of her children have anything to do with her. Her son died before she got to see him, which I found very sad. On the day of his funeral, she says she has to get a taxi to the hospital as she is in agony. This is the first time she has done anything about her broken bone. My Dad gets a taxi organised to bring her back, as she doesn’t want to wait for me to collect her. My job in the meantime is to find her a nursing home, as I am her next of kin. Eventually the social worker finds one, I cannot! She stays in the nursing home, which she states she hates, for 4 weeks, but I need her to stay another 5 days, as then I can get her, with the help of her GP into the county hospital in the town where she lives. Those four weeks, were very difficult, trust me when I say this, because in truth, she does not want to stay there. The reality was, she was incapable of looking after herself! I gave her the option of complaining to the statuary body who govern nursing homes, if she could give me dates, names & times, she declined! She became very aggressive with me, to the point of shouting at me, which is behaviour, I will not accept. If someone shouts at me, I am not ever in a place to hear them! Anyway, two days before she said she would leave the nursing home, I had two meetings with her local public health nurse & about 4 phones calls with her GP, who all advised that she stay in the nursing home for another 5 days. That particular day, I happened to be working in the town she lives in and I went up to her house to put on the heating, in case her pipes would burst and I collected fresh clothes & her post for her. I also emptied her bin & fridge of food that was out of date and rotting! That evening after work, I went to see her & stood behind her in the nursing home while she was on the phone to a friend of hers. I was so taken aback by what I heard her say………….. She said “Patricia was in my house all day today & I don’t know why. She also wants me to stay here & I don’t know what her ulterior motive is”. I was shocked, as I had had to do my own days’ work as well as all the work I had put in for her & I had only been in her house for a half to ¾’s of an hour, plus the only motive I had, was that she was safe, as she was not in a place to look after herself. So………… I faced her and said to her, “Don’t ever lie about me again”, at which point she said goodbye to her pal on the phone. I said, it was me & nothing and now it is nothing, as I am washing my hands of you. The reality is, you are falling a lot, to which she replied, “Oh now you are telling me I am not corpus mentis” and I replied, “No, that is not what I am saying, however, you do forget you fall, but if you want to go home, then do, but I am washing my hands of you. At that point, I had had my fill of people who lie to me or about me. I spoke with the nurse while crying & left. This, trust me, is the short version of this story. I am no longer my aunt’s next of kin, nor do I have any desire to be either. Plus I was exhausted.
This is a new road I am taking btw. Prior to this, I would have forgiven the person who either lied to me or about me. I’m not making myself out to be a goody two shoes here, this truly was my reality. However, after my experience of your man the blood sucker and then my aunt, I sincerely had enough shite. I realise it isn't about forgiving them, this is about healing me.
To top this, my daughter was moving house, so I went up that very same week, to clean her house before she moved. Now when I say I clean, I seriously clean. (I reckon in a previous life, if there is such a thing, I was a char lady!) My sister joined me a few hours later & even though I was fatigued to my bones, I still cleaned. I was beyond exhaustion by the time my daughter & eventually her partner came home. My daughter’s partner is so passive aggressive & rude to me, it is mind boggling. In fact, my daughter’s partner is a bully. I then decided that night, that I just did not need to be in their company again. However, (And again, this is the short version), after thinking and discussing it with a pal of mine, I decided that if I did that, then I would be colluding with their bullying behaviour & that I will not do. So, while I will be in their company, I will have huge boundaries around myself & if my daughter’s partner tries to bully me again, I will name it! I cannot give in to this bullying behaviour, if I do, I collude with it and I will not collude! Also, I am important enough to me, not to allow this bully, bully me!
I wrote this blog in the hope that I would see what it is I need to learn here, because I do have a huge learning in all of this. All my life, I have acted & behaved in a most loving and forgiving manner. (Now I am getting emotional), I think I have always hoped that the people I love, would respond in kind to my loving forgiving kindness. In truth, they don’t! I was 50 this year and what I have learnt is this………… People who are indifferent to their own souls, DO NOT respond in kind to, loving & forgiving behaviour. Their need is to crush and to suck every ounce of giving you have in you & they do not give back. This has been my life experience, but it has taken me until now to see it!
Before Christmas I was so angry at the world, these people & God, but I sat with it. On Christmas eve eve, I had a very long conversation with my sister and she saw I was on the brink of cynicism, it is a place I do not want to go to. If I did, I knew, I would lose my essence. I do not want to lose how beautiful I am. So I teetered on the edge. Then on Christmas eve, I woke early at 6 a.m. with a sore throat & I sat with all of this, I knew I was still very angry and that I felt huge loss and grief for the wrong that I felt was done to me. My sore throat indicated to me that I was not speaking my truth. On Christmas eve, I had a huge need to go to confession. I did go & I told the priest about my behaviour with my ex boy-friend. I had behaved badly. Christmas day & Stephens day were lovely & that night, I drove home & woke the next day vomiting & I ached from head to toe. Yesterday, I went to the doctor, as I have a chest infection, which equals loss & grief. I spent a good deal of yesterday screaming out loud, on my own, here at home. I know it sounds mad, but it isn’t, my truth is it's a healthy thing to do. I am not hurting anyone, not even myself, but I am getting my anger & frustration out in a safe way for me. Try it sometime, even when you are driving alone, in my experience it works. My cough is not as bad today!
What I have realised in writing this, is this…………… I have stood up for myself, albeit, awkwardly! I am not used to taking such a significant stand with anyone, ever. In a three week period, I had three people I needed to stand up to and to own my own truth. Physically this has taken its toll on my body. However, the body, I believe is never wrong, it mirrors for us what is going on for us on the inside & our behaviour shows this on the outside & it shows in our health or the lack thereof. My lesson is to take positive action for me and mostly, love me, because I am so worth loving! Plus I now know when I see a blood sucker, they are not for me! They won’t even get one chance. Also, I had created an illusion & judged this man & my aunt on my own values & standards, when in truth, that simply was not true for them. Also, I can only rescue me!
This has been and is painful for me. However, if it wasn’t painful, I would not listen & nor would I have taken heed and the time to learn what I needed to learn from these experiences, because what arises in me, is about me. Sometimes, life throws me tough lessons, these I experienced as tough.
"Life doesn't give you the people you want, it gives you the people you need, to love you, to hate you, to make you, to break you & to make you the person you were meant to be......"
Roll on four months, I meet him and as he hugs me in my car, he opens my bra too! I was not impressed. It reminds me, he has no boundaries, so after a number of expletives, I calm down. He went his way & I went mine, an hour later, I receive a text to say he left his Bluetooth in my car! How & where? I’m briefly confused, and then realise, this is his way, and he reminds me of the plant that catch’s flies. Later we meet & the last thing he says is, “We could fix this you know, if we worked hard at it”. I drive away.
Three days later, I am in his home. We have dinner & drinks, I cried a lot about the shitty ending we had and the hurt I felt. It really is the most I have cried since August! I ask him if he sees her, “About once a month”, he says, “But I don’t want a relationship with her & she doesn’t want one with me”. So I say, “You’re not dating then”? “No”, he says. So I go to the guest room & he follows, his love making is so familiar. The next morning we are intimate again & he goes to work. He comes home and we eat, but he isn’t sparking. He says, she says, “If you make love with her, I will be hurt”, so he says to me, “Think I’ll stick with plan A”. I didn’t need to ask what plan A is, he was going to lie to her and or, already had.
I had a meeting, so I went to do that. When it was over, a half an hour later, he went to his bed. Soon afterwards, I crept in silently to get my slippers. Creeping back out of his room, he sits up & starts chatting. “I thought you were asleep”, I say. “No”, he says. I then asked what he meant by the last thing he said last Sunday, he says, I didn’t mean anything by it”. So I ask him, "Why say it then?” and he just shrugs. I walk out of the room & go downstairs to make a phone call. Then I go to the office & spend time there and as it is time for bed, I head off to the main bathroom to take my make up off & brush my teeth, as you do. When I am almost finished, he comes in to the main bathroom, ignoring his en suite & uses the lavatory. After he washes his hands, he takes my hand and brings me to his bedroom. We make love again. But the smell of sex from his sheets is vile. Afterwards, he says, “She wanted to know why you were rooting today.” “I don’t root; I took paper from the top of your filing cabinet & put it on the floor & found the watch that you had lost over 8 months ago”, I say. “Plus, if I wasn’t dating you, that is not a question I would ask, as it has ownership”? He shrugs again. I get up & go to the guest room & sleep. He is gone by the time; I am awake the next morning. I turn on my computer & there is an email from him, thanking me for our “Grand Finale”! “Fuck you”, says I!
It is Friday, so I do my Twitter Friday Follow, shower, dress, pack, check his house at least 10 times, that there is nothing of me left, then I pack the car. Go back to the office & write an #FF especially for him which went, A very special 3 #FF to @....... Then I pack up my lap top & leave. I smile driving away, as I know he won’t see what is coming…………I like to be subtle when I metaphorically hit you with a ton of bricks! Though it is something I have rarely done in my life.
I arrived home & turn on my computer, to find a thank you from him for my #FF. I reply, “@....... It was my pleasure #Sincerely 3. Then he texted me, “Please stop with the tweets especially the 3, bound to ask what’s that about? You trying to shaft me?" I replied, “Oh Yes …… it’s what U fu*king deserve! Payback you low life! I am taking huge pleasure in this”. He says via text, “You ok?”, I reply “I am wonderful, thank U 4 Ur concern. I hope U get what Ur due, Sincerely” Then I put this tweet out on Twitter, “ @....... It is what it is xxx as it was 3 times ;) …… just so as you know. He then sent this text, “Any trust I ever had, any faith I ever had, any admiration I ever had, in you died today”. (I did notice he didn’t write any love!) & I replied, “You’re about 6 months behind me!”. To which he replied, “Don’t ever contact me or my family again!” My last reply to him was, “Fu*k Off, You Fraud”. I felt good inside that I had gotten my own back on the fecker and he hadn't thought me capable of it! And I felt, at least she’d know he’d charm the skin off a snake & lie all the while he was doing so.
The next morning around eleven o clock I deleted the posts, as I felt it wasn’t fair to leave them up. I knew my behaviour was not honourable. I had walked away in August, in December, I could not collude with his lies. He had lied to me for 3 years, he even went so far as to accused me, for the last year & a half, that I was flirting on direct messages on Twitter. I never did in the 3 years we were together. What really peed me off was I know this stuff! I know that everything I say, do, feel & think is 100% about me and therefore that is true for every other human being. And when I tried to discuss this with him, he’d brush it off & change the subject. It was so bad at times, that the only way I was anyway sure I was getting the truth was to ask him for scouts honour, then I had some idea that some of what he said was true! Why did he lie so much? I honestly do not know, but what I do know is that he subtly blamed his ex for the break- up of his marriage. I no longer believe that! He likes to see himself as a victim, victims do not ever take responsibility for their behaviour or their actions! Yes, I know on a professional level that this is a defence. Today, I am not being professional! I could also go places here with you, about why I had put up with this for so long, suffice to know, I know why I did!
The next horrible thing to happen in December was this. My 86 year old aunt, was on her way to see her dying eldest son & while changing buses she slipped & fell, breaking a bone in her shoulder. Now this lady is difficult! None of her children have anything to do with her. Her son died before she got to see him, which I found very sad. On the day of his funeral, she says she has to get a taxi to the hospital as she is in agony. This is the first time she has done anything about her broken bone. My Dad gets a taxi organised to bring her back, as she doesn’t want to wait for me to collect her. My job in the meantime is to find her a nursing home, as I am her next of kin. Eventually the social worker finds one, I cannot! She stays in the nursing home, which she states she hates, for 4 weeks, but I need her to stay another 5 days, as then I can get her, with the help of her GP into the county hospital in the town where she lives. Those four weeks, were very difficult, trust me when I say this, because in truth, she does not want to stay there. The reality was, she was incapable of looking after herself! I gave her the option of complaining to the statuary body who govern nursing homes, if she could give me dates, names & times, she declined! She became very aggressive with me, to the point of shouting at me, which is behaviour, I will not accept. If someone shouts at me, I am not ever in a place to hear them! Anyway, two days before she said she would leave the nursing home, I had two meetings with her local public health nurse & about 4 phones calls with her GP, who all advised that she stay in the nursing home for another 5 days. That particular day, I happened to be working in the town she lives in and I went up to her house to put on the heating, in case her pipes would burst and I collected fresh clothes & her post for her. I also emptied her bin & fridge of food that was out of date and rotting! That evening after work, I went to see her & stood behind her in the nursing home while she was on the phone to a friend of hers. I was so taken aback by what I heard her say………….. She said “Patricia was in my house all day today & I don’t know why. She also wants me to stay here & I don’t know what her ulterior motive is”. I was shocked, as I had had to do my own days’ work as well as all the work I had put in for her & I had only been in her house for a half to ¾’s of an hour, plus the only motive I had, was that she was safe, as she was not in a place to look after herself. So………… I faced her and said to her, “Don’t ever lie about me again”, at which point she said goodbye to her pal on the phone. I said, it was me & nothing and now it is nothing, as I am washing my hands of you. The reality is, you are falling a lot, to which she replied, “Oh now you are telling me I am not corpus mentis” and I replied, “No, that is not what I am saying, however, you do forget you fall, but if you want to go home, then do, but I am washing my hands of you. At that point, I had had my fill of people who lie to me or about me. I spoke with the nurse while crying & left. This, trust me, is the short version of this story. I am no longer my aunt’s next of kin, nor do I have any desire to be either. Plus I was exhausted.
This is a new road I am taking btw. Prior to this, I would have forgiven the person who either lied to me or about me. I’m not making myself out to be a goody two shoes here, this truly was my reality. However, after my experience of your man the blood sucker and then my aunt, I sincerely had enough shite. I realise it isn't about forgiving them, this is about healing me.
To top this, my daughter was moving house, so I went up that very same week, to clean her house before she moved. Now when I say I clean, I seriously clean. (I reckon in a previous life, if there is such a thing, I was a char lady!) My sister joined me a few hours later & even though I was fatigued to my bones, I still cleaned. I was beyond exhaustion by the time my daughter & eventually her partner came home. My daughter’s partner is so passive aggressive & rude to me, it is mind boggling. In fact, my daughter’s partner is a bully. I then decided that night, that I just did not need to be in their company again. However, (And again, this is the short version), after thinking and discussing it with a pal of mine, I decided that if I did that, then I would be colluding with their bullying behaviour & that I will not do. So, while I will be in their company, I will have huge boundaries around myself & if my daughter’s partner tries to bully me again, I will name it! I cannot give in to this bullying behaviour, if I do, I collude with it and I will not collude! Also, I am important enough to me, not to allow this bully, bully me!
I wrote this blog in the hope that I would see what it is I need to learn here, because I do have a huge learning in all of this. All my life, I have acted & behaved in a most loving and forgiving manner. (Now I am getting emotional), I think I have always hoped that the people I love, would respond in kind to my loving forgiving kindness. In truth, they don’t! I was 50 this year and what I have learnt is this………… People who are indifferent to their own souls, DO NOT respond in kind to, loving & forgiving behaviour. Their need is to crush and to suck every ounce of giving you have in you & they do not give back. This has been my life experience, but it has taken me until now to see it!
Before Christmas I was so angry at the world, these people & God, but I sat with it. On Christmas eve eve, I had a very long conversation with my sister and she saw I was on the brink of cynicism, it is a place I do not want to go to. If I did, I knew, I would lose my essence. I do not want to lose how beautiful I am. So I teetered on the edge. Then on Christmas eve, I woke early at 6 a.m. with a sore throat & I sat with all of this, I knew I was still very angry and that I felt huge loss and grief for the wrong that I felt was done to me. My sore throat indicated to me that I was not speaking my truth. On Christmas eve, I had a huge need to go to confession. I did go & I told the priest about my behaviour with my ex boy-friend. I had behaved badly. Christmas day & Stephens day were lovely & that night, I drove home & woke the next day vomiting & I ached from head to toe. Yesterday, I went to the doctor, as I have a chest infection, which equals loss & grief. I spent a good deal of yesterday screaming out loud, on my own, here at home. I know it sounds mad, but it isn’t, my truth is it's a healthy thing to do. I am not hurting anyone, not even myself, but I am getting my anger & frustration out in a safe way for me. Try it sometime, even when you are driving alone, in my experience it works. My cough is not as bad today!
What I have realised in writing this, is this…………… I have stood up for myself, albeit, awkwardly! I am not used to taking such a significant stand with anyone, ever. In a three week period, I had three people I needed to stand up to and to own my own truth. Physically this has taken its toll on my body. However, the body, I believe is never wrong, it mirrors for us what is going on for us on the inside & our behaviour shows this on the outside & it shows in our health or the lack thereof. My lesson is to take positive action for me and mostly, love me, because I am so worth loving! Plus I now know when I see a blood sucker, they are not for me! They won’t even get one chance. Also, I had created an illusion & judged this man & my aunt on my own values & standards, when in truth, that simply was not true for them. Also, I can only rescue me!
This has been and is painful for me. However, if it wasn’t painful, I would not listen & nor would I have taken heed and the time to learn what I needed to learn from these experiences, because what arises in me, is about me. Sometimes, life throws me tough lessons, these I experienced as tough.
"Life doesn't give you the people you want, it gives you the people you need, to love you, to hate you, to make you, to break you & to make you the person you were meant to be......"
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Email to Enda ..... Please wake up to the reality of what is happening Enda
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4JIpboy4bA&feature=share
http://beyondcollapse.wordpress.com/2011/12/13/iceland-cbc-interview-with-president-olafur-grimmson-transcript-janet-eaton/
Enda,
Why do you have Goldman Sachs as advisors?
One day, the truth will be forced upon you & all politicians.
Why not wake up now?
Why are you causing your fellow man, woman & child such financial hardship with all your austerity measures?
When will you know & realise that HUMAN BEINGS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN MONEY?
Just look at these two links, there are hundreds more like these.
Human beings are waking up, nothing will stop this, because truth will always out.
Where is your humanity?
Where is your compassion?
Where is your love of self?
If I don’t speak up, I am as guilty as you. I cannot be silent.
May the love of God reach your heart this Christmas time.
Trich
Here is FG's response to my email.............19/12/11
taoiseach@taoiseach.gov.ie;
Dear Trich
Thank you for your email.
The Party is grateful to everybody who takes the time to get in touch
and takes seriously your concerns.
Fine Gael in Government is working hard to build a better Ireland. We
welcome all communication which assists us in our task and have noted
your concerns.
I have forwarded your email to the Office of An Taoiseach, Enda Kenny
TD.
Regards,
Vincent Gribbin
Head of Internal Communication
Fine Gael Headquarters
51 Uppr Mount St, Dublin 2
01-6198422
The Taoiseach's office response is...........
Dear Ms. Trich
I wish to acknowledge receipt of your email of 19 December, 2011 which will
be brought to the Taoiseach's attention as soon as possible.
Yours sincerely,
David King
Assistant Private Secretary
to the Taoiseach
Telephone: 01-6194020
E-mail: privateoffice@taoiseach.gov.ie
Do you think I will hear from Enda himself?
http://beyondcollapse.wordpress.com/2011/12/13/iceland-cbc-interview-with-president-olafur-grimmson-transcript-janet-eaton/
Enda,
Why do you have Goldman Sachs as advisors?
One day, the truth will be forced upon you & all politicians.
Why not wake up now?
Why are you causing your fellow man, woman & child such financial hardship with all your austerity measures?
When will you know & realise that HUMAN BEINGS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN MONEY?
Just look at these two links, there are hundreds more like these.
Human beings are waking up, nothing will stop this, because truth will always out.
Where is your humanity?
Where is your compassion?
Where is your love of self?
If I don’t speak up, I am as guilty as you. I cannot be silent.
May the love of God reach your heart this Christmas time.
Trich
Here is FG's response to my email.............19/12/11
taoiseach@taoiseach.gov.ie
Dear Trich
Thank you for your email.
The Party is grateful to everybody who takes the time to get in touch
and takes seriously your concerns.
Fine Gael in Government is working hard to build a better Ireland. We
welcome all communication which assists us in our task and have noted
your concerns.
I have forwarded your email to the Office of An Taoiseach, Enda Kenny
TD.
Regards,
Vincent Gribbin
Head of Internal Communication
Fine Gael Headquarters
51 Uppr Mount St, Dublin 2
01-6198422
The Taoiseach's office response is...........
Dear Ms. Trich
I wish to acknowledge receipt of your email of 19 December, 2011 which will
be brought to the Taoiseach's attention as soon as possible.
Yours sincerely,
David King
Assistant Private Secretary
to the Taoiseach
Telephone: 01-6194020
E-mail: privateoffice@taoiseach.gov.ie
Do you think I will hear from Enda himself?
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Living Thanksgiving..........A guest blog from Amberr Meadows
When Trich first asked me to post, I was somewhat reluctant. Not because I didn't want to write the post for her (I think she's marvelous), but because I've been undergoing a painful "tradition transition" for the last couple of years.
When I say "tradition transition", I'm referring to the change in holiday rituals I've grown up with here, in the southeastern United States. I was raised in Georgia by my amazing grandmother, and for as long as I can remember, Thanksgiving and Christmas had her at the center of it.
She was the family matriarch, and I respected that. Maybe I even loved her all the more for it, because she was the enduring link that held our family together. For years, in spite of incredible dysfunction, we were a family (mostly) united. We came together in love and fellowship and an appreciation of amazing food, because my grandmother was the best cook EVER.
But as much as I miss her cooking, I miss her so much more. Cancer took her in March of 2010, and when she died, so did those specific traditions. My family had already been slowly separating over the years--it's just the way life works sometimes--and her death was the final stroke that destroyed our ties.
I was devastated and didn't see past my own grief for awhile. For me, Thanksgiving and other holidays became dreaded events, and I felt lost. Last year, I spent Thanksgiving with my best friend's family and my dad (former stepdad, on paper, but the man who's been dad for my whole life). I felt disconnected and out of place. I thought, This just isn't the same as granny's house, and it will never be so again.
I made myself miserable, and I was the life of the pity party, and nothing (at that time) could relieve me of it. I was heartbroken, really, but you know what they say about that. A heart might be broken but it keeps beating, and with time comes healing.
This year, I had a "come-to-Jesus" talk with myself and knew I was going to make things different, and with God's help, make them better. See, I've got this precious little girl named Ivy, and she's counting on me and looking to me to teach her traditions. I'm her mother, it's my job to make her childhood as memorable as possible, and It's time for me to step into the role to do what's right.
I did spend Thanksgiving with my dad again, but this time it wasn't with a heavy heart. I also realized something; my traditions haven't changed--only the people have. We all still said the "blessin'' (Yep, that's southern-speak for the pre-dinner prayer) before we lined up to serve ourselves in a buffet style fashion. We were all together to be thankful for the many things God has granted in a spirit of love and caring.
The foods were the ones I've always had at Thanksgiving--turkey, smoked ham, cornbread dressing, sweet potato souffle, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, potato salad and much more. Oh, and i can't forget to mention the sweet iced tea--I wouldn't be a proper southerner if I'd left that out.
It was a beautiful day, and we had a wonderful time. Next year I plan to cook at home for my little girl and husband and whoever else might be staying on at the time (I've always opened my home to people in need, so I usually have someone extra). Then I'll go to my dad's again, because I think he and his wife have started to come to expect it.
New traditions are being formed, and that's how it will always be for everyone, I'd imagine. Something old will be replaced by something new, people will come and go, and different new memories will be made throughout our lifetimes.
How we choose to accept it will determine how receptive we are to God's many blessings, and I'm choosing to roll with the changes. For myself, for my daughter, and for everyone who is still amongst the living that still needs my love. I love my grandmother, and I miss her like crazy, but I'm still living for a reason, and I suspect I'd better make the most of it.
Trich, thank you so much for asking me to post, and I apologize it wasn't a bit sooner. Many blessings to you and to all of your readers.
--Amberr Meadows
A wee while back Amberr kindly asked me to do to a guest blog on her blog! Sincerely, I was chuffed, as I had not being asked to do one before! This concept was in fact very new to me. She asked me to do a blog on where I live & I love where I live. Afterwards, I got to thinking, wouldn't it be lovely to ask Amberr to do a guest blog for my blog. I was genuinely excited about it, as I had requested she do a blog on Thanksgiving, as I had not ever experienced a real life Thanksgiving! However, I had been invited to my very first Thanksgiving on the 27th November 2011, by an American friend & her family, who now live in West Cork. This turned out to be a memorial day for me, because I got to meet her family & friends, who were as delicious as the food I ate that day.
Then Amberr sent me what you've read above. I loved the real human painful learning in what Amberr has written. This is life, this is also LOVE!
Go raibh mile maith agat Amberr, my sincere gratitude to you, with much love.
This is the link to Amberr's travel blog and more..........
http://amberrisme.com/2011/11/22/tuesday-travels-schull-west-cork-ireland/#comments
When I say "tradition transition", I'm referring to the change in holiday rituals I've grown up with here, in the southeastern United States. I was raised in Georgia by my amazing grandmother, and for as long as I can remember, Thanksgiving and Christmas had her at the center of it.
She was the family matriarch, and I respected that. Maybe I even loved her all the more for it, because she was the enduring link that held our family together. For years, in spite of incredible dysfunction, we were a family (mostly) united. We came together in love and fellowship and an appreciation of amazing food, because my grandmother was the best cook EVER.
But as much as I miss her cooking, I miss her so much more. Cancer took her in March of 2010, and when she died, so did those specific traditions. My family had already been slowly separating over the years--it's just the way life works sometimes--and her death was the final stroke that destroyed our ties.
I was devastated and didn't see past my own grief for awhile. For me, Thanksgiving and other holidays became dreaded events, and I felt lost. Last year, I spent Thanksgiving with my best friend's family and my dad (former stepdad, on paper, but the man who's been dad for my whole life). I felt disconnected and out of place. I thought, This just isn't the same as granny's house, and it will never be so again.
I made myself miserable, and I was the life of the pity party, and nothing (at that time) could relieve me of it. I was heartbroken, really, but you know what they say about that. A heart might be broken but it keeps beating, and with time comes healing.
This year, I had a "come-to-Jesus" talk with myself and knew I was going to make things different, and with God's help, make them better. See, I've got this precious little girl named Ivy, and she's counting on me and looking to me to teach her traditions. I'm her mother, it's my job to make her childhood as memorable as possible, and It's time for me to step into the role to do what's right.
I did spend Thanksgiving with my dad again, but this time it wasn't with a heavy heart. I also realized something; my traditions haven't changed--only the people have. We all still said the "blessin'' (Yep, that's southern-speak for the pre-dinner prayer) before we lined up to serve ourselves in a buffet style fashion. We were all together to be thankful for the many things God has granted in a spirit of love and caring.
The foods were the ones I've always had at Thanksgiving--turkey, smoked ham, cornbread dressing, sweet potato souffle, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, potato salad and much more. Oh, and i can't forget to mention the sweet iced tea--I wouldn't be a proper southerner if I'd left that out.
It was a beautiful day, and we had a wonderful time. Next year I plan to cook at home for my little girl and husband and whoever else might be staying on at the time (I've always opened my home to people in need, so I usually have someone extra). Then I'll go to my dad's again, because I think he and his wife have started to come to expect it.
New traditions are being formed, and that's how it will always be for everyone, I'd imagine. Something old will be replaced by something new, people will come and go, and different new memories will be made throughout our lifetimes.
How we choose to accept it will determine how receptive we are to God's many blessings, and I'm choosing to roll with the changes. For myself, for my daughter, and for everyone who is still amongst the living that still needs my love. I love my grandmother, and I miss her like crazy, but I'm still living for a reason, and I suspect I'd better make the most of it.
Trich, thank you so much for asking me to post, and I apologize it wasn't a bit sooner. Many blessings to you and to all of your readers.
--Amberr Meadows
A wee while back Amberr kindly asked me to do to a guest blog on her blog! Sincerely, I was chuffed, as I had not being asked to do one before! This concept was in fact very new to me. She asked me to do a blog on where I live & I love where I live. Afterwards, I got to thinking, wouldn't it be lovely to ask Amberr to do a guest blog for my blog. I was genuinely excited about it, as I had requested she do a blog on Thanksgiving, as I had not ever experienced a real life Thanksgiving! However, I had been invited to my very first Thanksgiving on the 27th November 2011, by an American friend & her family, who now live in West Cork. This turned out to be a memorial day for me, because I got to meet her family & friends, who were as delicious as the food I ate that day.
Then Amberr sent me what you've read above. I loved the real human painful learning in what Amberr has written. This is life, this is also LOVE!
Go raibh mile maith agat Amberr, my sincere gratitude to you, with much love.
This is the link to Amberr's travel blog and more..........
http://amberrisme.com/2011/11/22/tuesday-travels-schull-west-cork-ireland/#comments
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Michelle Maloney King........ Her blog link
http://teachermoloneyking.com/2011/07/thinking-outside-box.html
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)